and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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