He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
