Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
