i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
