she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
