I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
