it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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