Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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