i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
