So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
