I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
