god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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