Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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