How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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