it hurts more in the daytime
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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