I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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