"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
