he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
