can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
