I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
