She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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