All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
