I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
