guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
