On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
