i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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