Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We have started to decorate penises.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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