Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
