You really coming over, don't trick.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
