One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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