I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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