That's intense
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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