I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
