Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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