can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
