Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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