I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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