If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
