Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
