I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
