help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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