Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
MIDGETS
????
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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