She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
