so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
