You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
