Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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