You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
