So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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