I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
