haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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